I want kids, he doesn’t and can’t – Do I wait?

I am 25 and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend almost 2 years. He is 37 and he has 3 kids. He pays his child support but doesn’t see them. (he has also been fixed) So he can’t have anymore biological kids.

Well last Christmas he asked me to marry him. (knowing that I didn’t want to ever get married again) I was married before (no kids). Well I loved him enough, I said yes. (we haven’t married yet). Well I want kids and he says no kids. He has his right to not want kids being as he’s been fixed and he has kids but I want kids adopted my own or being a foster parent it doesn’t matter to me. He says that I should give him a year to decide.

But my question is: Is it worth waiting knowing he is currently saying no and he has been fixed because he didn’t want any more kids. I have wanted kids for awhile and I have been waiting for the right person. I would just like some advice because I don’t know if waiting is the right thing because I am 60/40 on him changing his mind.

–Jackie—

Sweet:  Your question is: is it worth waiting. 

So you wait.  1 year.  You invest more time into a man and future that you know for a fact doesn’t have the same end you desire.  If at the end of this year he still decides that he doesn’t want more kids – what are you going to do then?

If at the end of year 1 he decides he DOES want more kids, y’all have a kid.  But what if two or 3 years later he decides he really didn’t want any more kids and leaves, what will you do then?

And one last question.  If you were only given a year to live would you waste your time waiting on this guy?

My answer to your question is this, is this guy worthy of your time and life?  If the answer is yes, then wait.  If no, then don’t.

Sassy: I have to say, I think your man already answered your question. The fact of the matter is he probably wouldn’t pay child support for the kids he already has if he thought he could get away with it. By all appearances, the man doesn’t seem to want any more children. He seems to be a narcissist who really only cares about himself.

I have a question for you though. Why do you want a man who treats his kids like a credit card bill and nothing more? He isn’t a man at all. If you are the kind of person who thinks she might go into foster care, you need to be with someone who can put others ahead of himself. Good men do that. Simple as that!

My man pines for his ex

I have been with my man for a year and a half.  We have a good relationship, but I think he still has feelings for his ex.  He has nevered cheated on me but always makes unwise decisions when it comes to her and my feelings get hurt.  At one time he was dating both of us at the same time.  Then he got shot and that’s when she found out about me.  Even though they weren’t in a relationship, she was still very upset.  I was still there for him and took care of him (completely) while she took all of his belongings and moved.  We still have heated arguements over his ex.  Now we have a laptop and he constantly searches for her.  He claims he wants his stuff but I think there is more to it.  He says it’s hard to just “ex” someone when you have known them half of your life.  This was his first love and to make matters worse I’m eight years younger than him.  At this point should I be patient?  He is a good man but I just want his ex completely out his system.

 

–Carletta–

Sweet: Yes yes and yes.  Please be patient especially that he is a good man and a good person.  In reality we all have had a crush on someone; wish that crushes did have expiration but they do not!  Eventually, the person and all the dreams about the person are worked out of our system.  We mature and move on to something that seems more or that is compatible to our current needs and our current frame of mind.  So why let go of something that is good.  Let him pout about his ex and do not worry about it.  Remember that for any relationship takes two; if his his relationship with her was that fabulous then it would have never been broken.  Right?  You are the mature in this relationship so give him a chance; if he is smart then he will recognize and value your understanding; if he decides to go, at least you know that you have given your absolute 100% and that he has no one to blame but himself.  So be generous and patient do not regret for being so. 

 Sassy: He wants his stuff??If the stuff is like family heirlooms or thousands of dollars worth of jewels okay then I could probably excuse the internet searches.  However, if it is a couple of t-shirts, a pair of Jordan’s and a CD (basically stuff that can be replaced) then there is WAY more to this then he is saying.  I am thinking it is the latter.  Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.  His complete disregard for you and your feelings shows that he has you on the back burner while he searches for his ex and pines for their lost relationship.  As long as he is moping around with his memories, you will always be number 2 to the memories of what they were.  Do you accept being number 2?  You shouldn’t.  I say give him the space and time he needs to “ex” her by removing yourself from the relationship ASAP.  If he wants consoling and understanding send him to his mommy.  You are a woman and deserve to have a man who treats you well, which he can only do if he is present in the here and now.  Your age has no bearing on the situation because he is acting more immature than you.  It sounds cliché but I say him go and if realizes what he lost because of his selfishness then he will come back; if not, then good riddance.  This will free you to go find you someone not living in the past and that will appreciate you! 

I can’t get his attention! And my friend flirts with him!

I like this guy named Jonathan a lot.  I really really like him, but he doesn’t even notice me, I tried everything. I tried talking to him, teasing him and stuff like that, and he just laughs and starts flirting with this girl named Devine.  Devine used to be my friend until I told her I liked Jonathan and she thought it was funny and laughed in my face and now flirts with him.  When I try to talk to her, she thinks I’m joking about how I hate her for doing that. Jonathan is going out with this girl named Tori and she is so wrong for him, she practically wears the same thing EVERY day!  I wear something different every day, and he doesn’t notice me.  I also cut my hair to see if he would notice, and all he told me was…”nice hair”..ugh! I asked my friend Berry to tell him I liked him today, and I’m nervous of what tomorrow is going to be like. That is why I’m writing. I want your opinion…please help me!

–Just Friend? or More?–

 Sweet: Life is not always generous. We like fine clothes, big homes, good looking boyfriends, but all that does not always happen.  We all have been disappointed in life.  I say this: You have tried everything to get his attention, and so far it has not worked, leaving you frustrated and wondering why. Please find the strength to close the book on him and move on. Worrying about things that you do not have control over or cannot change is emotional drain. Focus on things that matter to you; I bet that there is someone wonderful who cannot wait to get your attention. Once you meet someone who values your nurturing nature you will see that all this will seem like a good lesson to value those that care for us. 

 

Sassy:  WHOA NELLY!! Are you serious!!?! You changed your hair to get this dudes attention!!?!?  Okay Hot-Chic-Rulez-101: if you are going to change something about yourself do it for yourself NOT to get the attention of some loser dude that clearly is SOOO not into you.  Sorry to be harsh darling but apparently he likes the chick who wears the same thing every day.  Here is another tidbit to remember through life – guys like to chase.  SO with you being alllll up in his face every day talking to him and jumping like a poodle to get petted, you are just too available and desperate which is a turn off.  Frankly I doubt he even considers you a friend.  So what you need to do is find another guy that you like (surely there is another cute guy) turn your attention and friendship to him.  Once Jonathan sees that you are not paying him any attention then that may pique his interest; then again it may not.  Even if it does not end the way you want (you + Jonathan 4/ever) at least with your new found crush you will be able to move on and truly get over him.  As for the “friend” sisterhood rule #1 NEVER go after your friend’s guy or crush (even ex-dudes can be touchy).  She is NOT your friend so IMMEDIATELY do whatever ritual is necessary to purge this foul beast from your life and rid yourself of her karma. Good Luck!